Saturday, October 18

Dead End

“How do I run from what’s inside my head”

Last night was indeed not one of my best nights. I couldn’t sleep. I’m in my room, lying on the bed but my mind is somewhere else. My mind is thinking about him. I know what he is, I know how he works, he’s a “hit ‘em and leave ‘em” type of guy, what I don’t know is what’s between us, on a second thought, I was reminded by myself, yes by myself that there’s actually nothing between us, but still I am always at lost for words when it’s about him and I’m talking nonsense right now because I don’t know what else to say.
"I already know what the truth is, but seeing it with my own two eyes is something I can’t take "

The moment I saw him with some girl, the girl was not even gorgeous and that opinion wasn’t from me it’s from my sister, defensive? HAHA , I felt like I’m in a movie. The possibility for me to see him is so slim but for some unexplainable reason our paths still crossed and just to add some drama he’s with another girl, fuck coincidence! I was meant to witness all of that. Why does my life is being so overrated, it’s too much of everything, too much drama, it’s more than what I can chew. These circumstances are beyond my control. I can’t take this but I can’t also fix this.

“ At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be” 
Am I just being dramatic and all? What’s there between us to begin with? Do I have a right to feel anything? I’m a ball of emotions right now and even though how hard I try, even though how badly I want to continue this mess, the reality‘s right in front of my face, I reached the limit, I’m at the last part, the denouement. I hope he enjoyed this play because honestly right now I’m screwed and stuck at the end of the road watching him fly away.


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